Return of the Pig
by Serene Rose
Summary: A pig, who has read the books, but never seen the movies... then something happens to him, that will change his life forever.


The Return of the Pig

By Serene Rose

~

Once there was a PIG. And he read all the Lord of the Rings books, but he hadn't seen the movies. He was dying to see the movies, but he was too young. And on his birthday - it was his 13th birthday - he got to see the movies. He was watching the part where Frodo was leaving the Shire when all of a sudden, he got up off the couch and ran as fast as he could at the movie! He knew he would get a concussion. But he...didn't. He went right through the TV and landed on the ground on his rump.

He was on Weathertop. Aragorn was fighting the wraiths! And poor Frodo was lying on the ground. The pig ran to Frodo and tried to pick him up when Aragorn came over and pushed him out of the way, thinking he was Sam. Merry and Pippin found the pig lying on the ground and thought he was Bill the Pony; and Bill the Pony trotted over and Merry and Pip fell over laughing. The pig got up and kicked them both indignantly and then walked to Frodo and asked Aragorn if Frodo was all right. Sam took one look at the pig and collapsed laughing. One reason was because the pig had pink contacts and he was fat. 

Aragorn decided to drop the pig in the mud (as it began to rain); he sat there, watching Merry, Sam, Pippin and all, ride off. He decided he would have to save Frodo from the evil riders. So he got up and ran after them, but he quickly fell over panting. When he woke up (he'd fainted) he found himself lying on Rivendell grass. And all of a sudden he saw Gimli and Legolas. When THEY saw HIM they both collasped in laughter and almost fainted. They had come to see the tomb of Aragorn's mother, but had found the pig in front of it. (The Ringwraiths had dropped him, taking him all the way to Rivendell. They had meant to take him to Mordor, as they thought that Sauron would get a good laugh.) So, when he had been dropped, the Ringwraiths hadn't noticed. And it was much too late to go back after the ford had swept them away.

The pig, after helping Gimlli and Legolas to their feet, he went to the hobbits. They all thought that it was very funny that the pig was there. So the pig was invited to be in the Fellowship - instead of nine, there were ten. And when Gandalf fell, there were still nine. When they got to Lorien, Haldir said that the PIG breathed so loud, he could have shot him in the dark. And then they seemed to think he was related to the hobbits, at which he was very indignant.

At the end, when the gifts were given. Galadriel came to the pig. And he asked for a golden hair from her head. Gimli looked over and cried, "You stole MY idea!"

Getting to where Boromir died, there were still eight. But the orcs captured Merry and Pippin AND the pig. The pig was quite, quite indignant when the orcs began whipping him thoroughly. And when the orcs whipped him, he grabbed one of the whips and whipped at the orcs. And then he grabbed Merry and Pippin (he was strong) and ran away with them. He dashed to the closest river, jumped in and saw there was a waterfall. But he sat there calmly and began to laugh. Merry and Pippin's eyes were as big as the biggest leaves in the world and...it didn't work out very well. When they landed again on the shore - there was Treebeard looking at them, quite curiously - especially at the pig. Of course, when he picked Merry and Pippin up, the pig grabbed on and went with them. Coming at last to Isengard, Merry, Pippin and the pig thought it a lot of fun to throw rocks at the orcs who had tried to whip them so thoroughly.... When they met Gandalf again, he fell over laughing, thinking Merry had been eating too much and grown rather long ears.

The pig wanted to get back to Frodo. So he hitched a ride with one of the Fell Beasts and dropped near to the hobbits at Shelob's Lair. The pig decided to ambush them. He jumped out and made a face, and Frodo looked at him curiously and then fell over laughing with Gollum and Sam. When the hobbits got up from laughing (and so did Gollum) they came to Shelob's Lair and the pig miracuously scared Shelob away. But She came back and got Frodo anyway. And then the pig and Gollum and Sam wept bitterly to see Frodo so. Sam hid and the pig took the Ring to save it and the orcs came and ran off with Frodo. They at last got up to the Tower, and the pig made funny faces and made the orcs collapse laughing for hours. At the top of the tower, Sam stuck the orc and Frodo saw the pig. He couldn't very well fall over laughing, so he began laughing on the floor.

"So, you brought that pink pig along, did you Sam?" laughed Frodo.

But queerly, the orc got up again, even though the sword had stuck him good. Since he had found out that the wraiths thought Sauron would get a laugh out of the pig, he grabbed the pig and captured him. HE took him to Sauron, who since he couldn't fall over he spun, and almost exploded before Frodo had ever got the Ring to Mount Doom. 

The Ringwraith, very red in the face (of course he hadn't really got a face) that the orc had got the pink pig there before they had, stuck the orc again. But very queerly he got up again, and captured Sam in Mordor, thinking that Sam was the pig - because Sam had made a very strange noise that evening. And the wraith, very red in the face still, didn't want the orc to touch Sam - so they stuck him again, and this time he didn't come back.

Sam got off, and went with the pig and Frodo, and Frodo took turns riding on the pig's back and then Sam's back. They got to Mount Doom and Gollum was about to tackle Frodo when the pig got in the way.

"Now now now, you shouldn't be fighting over Mount Doom. You'll fall in." the Pig said.

Frodo almost fell over into the fire laughing, so the pig took the Ring off Frodo's finger - it having no power over him - and flicked it into the lava. Gollum was very dumb of course, and tried to jump in anyway. Then the pig went out and whisted - he meant to just whistle - but four winged pigs came to their aid. The pigs bore them to where Aragorn got crowned, and when they came there the pig dressed up in a tux. And when Aragorn got crowned, the pig bowed so low, he did a forward-roll into the new king. And at last coming to the Shire, they found Wormtongue and Saruman. Merry and Pippin were going to give him some tobacco, but the pig jumped in the way and ate it all. (It was the movie, but somethings changed like the book.) They get to the Green Dragon and Sam proposed to Rosie. There was a strange light coming from the sky. So the pig went to check it out, and POOF! he's found himself sitting back on his sofa watching the end of The Return of the King, where Frodo gets his finger bit off and the Ring is thrown in.

And his mom said, "Would you like some popcorn?"


End file.
